Taking Care of Yourself and Your Family

by Dawn L. Billings, Primary Colors Personality Tests and Insight Tools

Should mothers take time to consider themselves, or should all their time and energy go toward their children and husbands? Aren't mothers expected to put their children's needs before their own? Many, if not most moms do, and they do it with joy in their hearts. But many mothers have developed the misconception that to “do it right,” they must put themselves last as they dedicate themselves to diapers, feeding, cleaning, play dates, dance (music, ballet, tutoring) lessons, soccer, and t-ball. It's no wonder that motherhood can feel overwhelming, thankless, and utterly exhausting at times.

But what if we could transform parenting from work into play? Prioritizing your own happiness is one of the most crucial and positive actions you can take for your child. There are various ways to “do it right,” and the key is selecting the approach that suits your personality and that of your child(ren) or fits your unique family and situation.

Here are my six secrets for happy parenting:

1. What is SELF-FULL?

We've all been told that as mothers, we shouldn't be selfish. We're expected to sacrifice for those we love. However, it's equally important for moms not to try to be self-less. Of course being selfish does not serve anyone, but neither does being self-less. How can we bless others if we're running on empty? In the center between selfish and self-less lives a wonderful place called SELF-FULL. By ensuring our needs are also met, we can feel full and abundant. Which allows us to have the energy and focus we need for our children and partners. Be sure to include those things that lift and fill you up. Play music and dance. Get a work out routine you love. Go roller skating, or biking with your children because you love those things too. Go ahead. Fill yourself up and then enjoy pouring out your abundance on those you love.

2. "Will it matter at Christmas?"

Let's face it: As a parent, some days flow smoothly, while others feel like being thrown from a moving car. There are moments when you're tempted to leave your children at the curb on garbage day. One question has helped me regain perspective time and again. When I encounter mustard and Cheerios mixed in a puddle on the floor, it helps me distinguish between frustrating and important. It's a question my mother began asking when she was diagnosed with leukemia, and doctors said it would be a miracle if she were with us for one more Christmas. When tensions ran high, my mom began to ask, “Will it matter at Christmas?” If something is important enough to still matter at Christmas, it's worth fighting for; if not, let it go. Don't let the small stuff make you sweat. There is a significant difference between frustrating and important.

3. Make new friends, but keep the old

When I was in the Brownies at seven years old, our leaders taught us a song with these words: “Make new friends but keep the old, One is Silver and the other Gold." My mom used to say, "Friends are the grease that helps the wheels of life keep moving." Friends are an important and wonderful support system. They help us make sense of chaos, pull us back when our child has painted the walls with something unpleasant, or bring what we need when we're ill. To be a happier mom, make new friends and cherish the old ones.

4. What is worth listening to?

An essential part of being a contented and fulfilled mom is learning to trust your own instincts. Yes people are going to have their opinions about what you should do and how you should do it, but none of those opinions are greater than your own. Listen to advice from those you respect, but heed the voice in your heart and make choices you believe are best for you and those you love. Be open to continuous learning. Learn everything that you might be interested in, and even consider learning some things that your husband is interested in. Joy and contentment are associated with being open to new ideas and approaches. Don't hesitate to step outside your comfort zone, stretching yourself and considering new ideas builds resilience. But remember improving as a parent or person doesn't require you to ignore that quiet voice inside your heart. In fact, that voice is the the voice most worth listening to.

5. The power of Personality

Who are you? What makes you tick? What lights up your world? What do you love to do? What are you good at? Who are your children? What are their gifts and talents? Understanding your basic personality helps you live a life consistent with what feels natural to you. This is crucial for your children as well. When we live in alignment with who we are, we naturally feel happier. If you want to take a great personality test, try the Primary Colors Personality Test. It is easy to understand and implement, easy and fun to take and will help you understand yourself and those you love, enabling you to support them better. It's great to have goals, but aligning expectations with personalities can help prevent disappointment and frustration.

6. Find great parent tools and use them

There are many excellent parenting books and parenting tools. Numerous websites offer valuable articles and information. Join a Mom’s group both online and offline. Simply search Google for mom's clubs in your community and online. Discover effective parenting tools that simplify the job, like the new patent-pending parent tool and child development system called CAPABLES. It's a comprehensive parent system that supports both children and parents.

I'm not saying that being a parent isn't challenging. It's the hardest job I've ever undertaken. As parents, and people, we experience ups and downs, but parenting is also the most amazing and wonderful job I've ever had. There are definite steps you can take to make parenting more enjoyable and effective. There's nothing wrong with being a more relaxed, purposeful, fun, and yes, happier, SELF-FULL parent.